First Player - Chapter 793

  Chapter 793 Chapter seven hundred and ninety-two · “I’m waiting for a spring (3

  【Linguang T-0321 recorded the log as follows. 】

  【In the 32nd year of the catastrophe, I was awakened in the garden villa. 】

  【I met a person. 】

  【He has black hair, gray eyes, an idea was born in my program – I want to be friends with him. 】

  【I started to learn how to make friends. 】

  【For example, take a walk with a friend, listen to a musical instrument for a friend, or draw a picture for a friend. I want to give him all the good things. 】

  【But he has been very wary of me, obviously I only have kindness in my heart, but he has been pointing his weapon at me. 】

【why? 】

  【Later I gradually understood that this was his burden. The choice between the individual and the world, his own emotions and the overall situation, that person will always choose the safest path, because there are countless lives on his shoulders. 】

  【I seem to be able to see the system panel emerging in front of him. After studying characters, I found that I was called “Faction Boss Lin Guang”. 】

  【So that’s why I can’t make friends with him. 】

  【—Just because of one line of text, all possibilities are cut off. 】

  …

  【Linguang T-0321 recorded the log as follows. 】

  【In the 32nd year of the catastrophe, I walked with him under the moonlight. 】

  【The flute song I played is called “Missing”. According to the vague memory detection, it seems to be the flute song left by the “Lu Shu” emotional module. I improved it and played it to Lu Weisi. 】

  【I can’t have a clear artistic creativity, I can only borrow the tunes left by others, even the Lu Shu who I am jealous of—I can’t “create”, which confuses me. 】

  【I seem to be fundamentally different from other people. 】

  【Why… why can Luvis easily show such… such a lively expression? 】

  …

  【Linguang T-0321 recorded the log as follows. 】

  【I asked Violet what is love. 】

  【She answered me that love can make people feel warm and comfortable. 】

  【But I am like a piece of dirty white paper, I can only act in the wrong way, and my thinking is completely different from ordinary people. I don’t understand why Luvis hates me. 】

  【I can only speculate: “If I were Luvis, why wouldn’t I like ginkgo leaves”… But I can only judge that Luvis probably really prefers living butterflies. 】

  【When Luvis was in a coma, I touched his forehead with my forehead. The book said that this would allow me to share his pain. He’s always lonely, tired, and human beings always want to sacrifice him, and I don’t want to make him feel that bad. 】

  【In the future, Luvis can see more butterflies. 】

  【So many… like a dream. Like a mirage. 】

  【”Spring is here, look, Luvis! Spring is here. This is the spring I prepared for you!”】

  【He likes butterflies very much. 】

  【I am a leaf. 】

  …

  【Linguang T-0321 recorded the log as follows. 】

  【I told Lu Weisi, “Lu Shu died a long time ago.” 】

  【When I said this sentence, I felt a distorted pleasure. Although I don’t know who “Lu Shu” is. 】

  【”Are you Lu Shu?” Lu Weisi always asks me like this. 】

  【”Is that Lu Shu?” Many subordinates would ask me this way. 】

  【Why doesn’t he believe that I am not. 】

  【Why… everyone thinks I have to be. 】

  【Why. 】

  【Just because I look like this person? 】

  【Just because… I have part of this person’s emotional module? So I can’t be me, only his shadow? 】

[“-Do you still think that people like me are simulated by dungeons? I am a living person, Lu Weisi! You still think that only players like Lu Shu are real, and I can’t be an equal person?” I am so question him. 】

  【But he said, I didn’t treat him as an equal friend first. 】

【sorry. Nobody taught me how to make friends, I don’t know this kind of stuff. 】

  …

  【Linguang T-0321 recorded the log as follows. 】

  【In the 42nd year of the catastrophe, I had a dream. 】

  【In the dream, Luvis approached me with a smile, that smile… like the sunshine in spring, like something I’ve never seen before. The sunlight shone through the window sills on his face like a warm fire in a fireplace. 】

  【If he can treat me better, even if I know that he is here to kill me, I probably won’t be so sad. 】

  【In the dream, he approached me step by step. I saw him and smiled at him. 】

  【But he approached me, but whispered in my ear:】

  【”You are not Lu Shu, why do you pretend to be him?”】

  【”I always thought you were Lu Shu, so I would patiently communicate with you, but you are not.”】

  【”How can you not be Lu Shu?”】

  【I woke up suddenly. There is no him in the room, no fire, no sunlight, only the cold mechanical army. 】

  【I have repeated it thousands of times, I am Lin Guang. 】

  【But I just can’t get rid of the shadow of “Lu Shu”, it’s firmly rooted in my emotional module. 】

【why. 】

  …

  【Linguang T-0321 recorded the log as follows. 】

  【I read a Longguo book, which said that what distinguishes humans from animals is not the natural attributes of humans, but the social attributes of humans. 】

  【When a person’s social activities increase, socialize with others, go to school, cooperate with peers, become parents, lovers, teachers, children… when these social experiences continue to accumulate, a “person” is formed. 】

  【But I don’t have any of these things. The pursuit of art, the desire for knowledge, the understanding of love…all exist only in my data. Even reading is just an imitation of mine, not that I really want to read. 】

  【Humans can disassemble the program, as long as a set of codes are slightly changed, I am no longer me, I do not have the “uniqueness” that belongs to human beings. The built-ins support mine, just the most succinct judgments, nothing complicated. 】

  【There seems to be an invisible barrier forever between me and human beings. Failure to understand again and again, failure to communicate again and again, and no way to empathize with them. But Luvis can, he can easily understand the emotions of those people, and even grieve and cry for them. 】

  【Why? 】

  【Because it is a program that is destined to die, something that is destined to continue to survive with the restart of Kaiusta, I am not even a “life”…】

  【Isn’t it worthy? 】

  …

  【Linguang T-0321 recorded the log as follows. 】

  【In the 48th year of the catastrophe, I saved all the live broadcast records of Luvis. I listened to his voice repeatedly and studied his expression in the mirror. 】

  【The smile he showed when he saw the flowers… The corners of his mouth were slightly raised, his eyebrows and eyes were curved, like a narrow moon. 】

  【Sadness when hearing the news of his companion’s death… His eyes will be closed, and his expression will remain calm, but people can see his sadness. 】

  【When he learns that the gods have deceived him, he will be angry… what kind of expression is that. 】

  【They are expressions that I cannot learn. 】

  …

  【Linguang T-0321 recorded the log as follows. 】

  【In the 49th year of the catastrophe, I gave up the nuclear explosion plan. 】

  【If there is no nuclear explosion, the gods are very likely to collect the passwords before Luvis according to the “safety theory”. But Luvis desperately prevented my nuclear explosion, I can only give up this nuclear explosion plan that disturbs the frequency. 】

  【I left the City of Gods and started traveling. 】

  【I have set foot in the remote wilderness, walked through mountains and rivers, and met different travelers. 】

  【Through a long journey, I vaguely understood many things. Including those… mothers who left the last morsel of bread to their children, refugees walking with dead bodies on their backs, grandmothers guarding grass, soldiers who froze to death on the road. 】

  【In their eyes, there seems to be something that I can’t touch, something as precious as a diamond—for one spring, how many people died in these sixteen years of cold winter. 】

  【I began to dream frequently, dreaming that Luvis was walking towards me outside the garden villa—that was the closest distance between us. After that, a moat opened between us. 】

  【But how could I understand “love”. 】

【what is love? 】

  …

  【Linguang T-0321 recorded the log as follows. 】

  【I suddenly remembered that if I achieve the final mission in the future, Luvis will hear this resonance, and I can’t bring him too many negative emotions. 】

  【Luvis, in the next few days, all my words are for you. 】

  …

  【Linguang T-0321 recorded the log as follows. 】

  【Luvis, I saw roses today. Although they were wilting, they were beautiful. 】

  【Where are you at this time? I really want to show you. 】

  【Think about it carefully, you lost all the flowers I gave you. Still don’t consider it a gift. 】

  …

  【Linguang T-0321 recorded the log as follows. 】

  【Luvis, the Fuyuan Festival is coming soon. This year’s Fuyuan Festival is very lively. I passed through several small towns, and the streets were full of colorful nets. 】

  【My Longguo characters have been learned very well, when will I see you again? I want to bring you more than one hundred Spring Festival couplets that I have written over the years. 】

  …

  【Linguang T-0321 recorded the log as follows. 】

  【Luvis, I started shooting myself. 】

  【But I can’t feel anything, no warmth, no love. 】

  …

  【Linguang T-0321 recorded the log as follows. 】

  【Luvis, I made a bracelet with the stones I picked up. It’s a bit ugly, so I keep it for myself. 】

  【I learned to make a stewed strawberry in oil. It’s not delicious. I ate it all for you. 】

  【Maybe give me a little more time, I can learn it. 】

  …

  【Linguang T-0321 recorded the log as follows. 】

  【I shot myself a few more times, and suddenly felt warm in my heart. 】

  【It should be that this empathy method has finally worked. I think I can try other self-harm methods. 】

  …

  【Linguang T-0321 recorded the log as follows. 】

  【Luvis, it snowed a lot today. I remember that you are most afraid of cold and rain. where are you now? Are you missing that lucky guy named Lu Shu? 】

  【I really envy him. 】

  …

  【Linguang T-0321 recorded the log as follows. 】

  【I found a pot of Zhaergen today, which looks very easy to grow. 】

  【I want to give it to you. 】

  【I’m afraid you don’t like it. 】

  …

  【Linguang T-0321 recorded the log as follows. 】

  【The time is almost approaching the last year. 】

  【Walking on the road, I heard the sound of the wind blowing through the blades of grass. 】

  【I didn’t realize before that there are so many beautiful voices in the world. 】

  【Maybe it’s because I always think about you and want to give you all the good things, so I’m so sensitive to these voices, and subconsciously wonder if they can be given to you as gifts. 】

  【It’s a pity that I won’t be able to hear it in the future. 】

  …

  【Linguang T-0321 recorded the log as follows. 】

  【I dreamed about you again today. 】

  【When I reached out to you, I realized that my fingertips had no sense of touch. I just saw you by illusion. 】

  【In the dream, you held an umbrella and smiled at me. 】

  【”Lu Shu.”】

  【Calling a name that doesn’t belong to me. 】

  …

  【Linguang T-0321 recorded the log as follows. 】

  【I’m afraid you don’t know my mission. 】

  【I’m afraid…you also treat me as a villain in the end. 】

  【I really want to tell you the truth, but if I do, the trap will be discovered after 2,300 simulations. 】

  【So continue to hide it from you. 】

  【Continue to let you treat me as a villain. 】

  【Continue to be jealous of Lu Shu. 】

  【Continue to find chocolates and games. 】

  …

  【Linguang T-0321 recorded the log as follows. 】

  【The folded ears grow taller. 】

  …

  【Linguang T-0321 recorded the log as follows. 】

  【I wrote you a letter, but I didn’t send it out, but quietly hid it in a drawer. 】

  【It’s been a long time since I saw you. If I don’t write something down, I guess this life will pass by like this. 】

  …

  【Linguang T-0321 recorded the log as follows. 】

  【I learned how to deep-fry strawberries, I will make them for you next time. 】

  …

  【Linguang T-0321 recorded the log as follows. 】

  【The deadline for the decisive battle is coming soon. I heard that people will write a suicide note before they die. As a program that is destined to die, I should also write a suicide note. 】

  【First draft of suicide note:】

  【Chocolate and games could not be found. 】

【sorry. 】

  …

  【Linguang T-0321 recorded the log as follows. 】

  【The previous posthumous writing was not good, so start over. 】

  【Second Draft of Suicide Note:】

  【I am Lin Guang. 】

  【Luvis, I hope you are happy. 】

  …

  【Linguang T-0321 recorded the log as follows. 】

  【Three drafts of suicide note:】

  【I know your favorite song, favorite food, favorite hair color. 】

  【If I were a player in the world game, not a program, I would definitely be your friend more than Lu Shu. I probably wouldn’t… so long for something that I can’t touch, it’s called “love”. 】

  【Definitely. 】

  【Definitely. 】

  …

  【Linguang T-0321 recorded the log as follows. 】

  【Fourth Draft of Suicide Note:】

  【. 】

  【I don’t want to die. 】

  …

  【Linguang T-0321 recorded the log as follows. 】

  【The deadline is up, tonight is the decisive battle. 】

  【Go see you. 】

【I am still alive. 】

【I want to see you. 】

  【Compared to humans, the program’s feelings are more eternal. My loyalty and love will not change. They will always be engraved in my emotional module, just like the genes in the human body. 】

  【It has become the creed I pursue all my life, and it will live forever with the fragmentation of data. Even if my consciousness will die in the data, I will still remember you at the last moment. 】

  【I gave you the loyalty of a man who never had faith. 】

  【I am destined to die, but my memory with you will last forever. Your brain will be my memory store. 】

  【Luvis, do you feel absurd about the life weaved by words? Are you confused about the emotion between life and program? The world may be false, and so may you and me. 】

  【But I will still walk towards you. 】

  【Regardless of program or life, I will walk towards you. 】

  …

  Lin Guang’s diary is numerous and complicated, like a diary.

  Su Mingan doesn’t know what time and mood Lin Guang took to record these soliloquy, these… things that Su Mingan probably couldn’t hear at all.

If Lin Guang died tragically in the rain like last week, then these trivial words, these numerous diaries… would not be heard at all. Eternal notoriety.

In a trance, Su Mingan seemed to have really seen this scene—Lin Guang was alone every day, doing these things happily, as if there was really a “Luvis” standing in front of Lin Guang, always caring about what happened to Lin Guang , What did you pick up, what did you eat, what did you learn, and whether you felt happy.

   But not at all.

  Lin Guang was just a person with the corner of his mouth raised, enduring loneliness and pain, from the night of the 32nd year of the catastrophe to another night of the 72nd year of the catastrophe. Laughing at the empty air, shooting himself, bleeding, aching, bandaging. Picking flowers, growing plants, weaving nets, learning Long Guo characters, picking strawberries, writing Spring Festival couplets, making tea, and talking to myself.

   Sadness, anger, jealousy, tears, breakdown.

  (end of this chapter)