Tunnel Rat - Chapter 165

Chapter 165: Wait…you have beer?!

Narwhale was the first to spot the mechanical monster walking across the caverns. Most scavengers had a high perception and Look Out skill. Narwhale had spent days on end manning observation ports or crow’s nests to raise her skill to level 5 and her perception to 10. A high perception was needed to gain the coveted Gunner class. “We got trouble coming. Load a shell, and I’ll see how many legs I can blow off it!”

Boom-Boom smiled at the thought of watching his new bride blowing things up but stopped Barracuda before she loaded the small cannon. “You might get more than you bargained for. I’m guessing that the person in the driver’s seat is our long-lost brother Engineer. I don’t want to find out what weapons he has on that thing if you were to start a shooting war. Brother Milo has a talent for causing destruction.”

The two scavengers grumbled but paused until the identity could be confirmed. They had seen the devastation Senior Engineer Milo had caused to the outpost with their own eyes and heard all of the stories. They’d also witnessed him playing tag with the sea hydra and were convinced he was missing a few bolts.

Two Screws walked forward and bellowed out a greeting. “Damn, but that is one ugly spider. We may have to send you to remedial mechanics classes. Please tell me you didn’t build that.” Milo looked at the spider. “Of course, I didn’t build it. It drives me crazy just looking at all the work that needs to be done to fix it. Plus, it has a crazy spider inside of it.” He flipped on the speaker.

Many hisses and the clicking of mandibles accompanied this speech. But since she repeated herself a lot, eventually, everyone started understanding the spider underneath the many layers of armor and machinery.

Barracuda ran forward, undid the hatches on the head armor, and cranked it open to reveal the face of the spider. “Ooooh, there is a spider in there. She’s so cute! How are you doing, sweety?” She carefully patted the spider’s head, mindful of the mandibles.

P’tashPak’r answered in a defeated voice.

Boom-Boom and Narwhale had climbed up to look at the chainguns while Two-Screws and Sledge-monkey walked around, kicking the spider’s legs and making comments about the sad state of the gyroscopes. Narwhale yelled down at the spider. “Poor baby. Bad things happen when you pick the wrong side to fight. The only thing to do is to have a beer and make better choices before the next war. And by my mother’s beard! Clean your guns more! These are in terrible shape!”

She looked longingly at the stack of kegs by the wall. Large amounts of dwarven beer had made the mercenary life more enjoyable. Her dwarven crew had enjoyed getting her drunk and having her wobble back and forth as they went from bar to bar.

Barracuda gave the spider one more pat on the head. “Of course we have beer! What a catastrophe that would be.” She poured a foaming bucket of beer and held it for P’tashPak’r, who drank it down quickly.

Narwhale was shaking her head. She should have known better. Barracuda was a sucker for strays. She was going to want to take the damned spider home; she just knew it. And as she had feard, after getting the spider another bucket of beer, Barracuda began begging for a new pet. “Can we take her with us, Nar? Huh? She’s perfect! A mercenary who likes beer and makes bad choices in life! That’s practically the scavenger motto!”

Narwhale yelled over to Milo, who was talking with Harry about Black Mold. “Hey, how much do you want for the spider? My new husband here wants to buy it from you.”

Boom-Boom looked up from where he was cleaning the chain guns. “I do?”

Narwhale kissed him on the cheek and batted her eyes. “Of course you do! It will help us pack more ammunition, it comes armed with cute little guns, and we can add heavier artillery to it. And ‘Cuda will be happy to take care of the squishy parts inside. She loves ugly pets.”

Boom-Boom smiled stupidly. “Well then, I guess I do want it. He, Milo, how much do you want for your spider?”

Milo blinked twice; he hadn’t thought he owned the spider. “Consider it a wedding present.” Milo considered it one less thing for him to worry about. “But before we get to tinkering on it, let’s move back towards the entrance to the Hollow. I have some problems I don’t understand and may need some help with.” The spider was already half drunk, so getting back to the entrance took some time. Barracuda was already telling the spider all her cool ideas for fixing her legs and adding more guns.

Brutus was introduced to the dwarves, and Milo made sure that the guard understood that the engineers were allowed to enter the Hollow. Then Milo spent a few minutes giving them a brief explanation of what he knew, what he suspected, and what he suspected he didn’t know. Sledgemonkey took another look at the caravan. “They do seem to be heavy on guards and light on merchants. Every single one of them is in armor now, and I’ll confirm the two big monsters they have hidden in those wagons. They got scared when we started shooting fireworks at the humans.”

Sledgemonkey lit a cigar and got himself a beer. “Taking a look at the mines can wait for now. Two-Screws and I are fatigued by our journey and need a small break to rest our legs while we have some medicinal beers. We’ll camp out here along with the eight-legged contraption and guard the doorway with Brutus. The rest of you can go do whatever needs going; we’ll keep things locked down here.

Barracuda was feeding more beer to P’tashPak’r. “I’m staying with my new spidey-friend. She’s having a hard day, and we need to drink a little, right honey?”

The spider’s eyes seemed unfocused and relaxed.

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Harry had some ideas about what might be ailing Bleusnout and Smiley. “Black Mold grows in dank caves, and once it takes hold, it’s difficult to get rid of. Naturally growing mold will cause lung rot and an assortment of other ailments. But it can also be used to poison food and create many toxins. I don’t believe it has any benevolent use at all.”

“To get rid of it from caves, trolls use fire. One of the only times you will see a troll willingly get near to fire. Fire can burn us horribly, but Black Mold is worse. And I will warn you; it is likewise difficult to cure.”

Harry got quite a few odd looks, as did the two dwarves following behind. But in general, the ratkin of the Hollow went about their business in a single-minded fashion, with glassy eyes and looking neither left nor right. Harry took this in. “Whatever is affecting them is very specific. This isn’t a random batch of bad cheese or a mold infection. It’s too perfect and affecting everyone.”

Harry had to duck to enter the hallways of Old Healer’s clan. Things were somber inside. A few zombified family members were being cared for, and guards were at each door. Tallsqueak flashed his ring, and no one stopped them as they moved down to the makeshift infirmary.

Smiley and Bleusnout were unchanged, sleeping on their cots, breathing shallowly. Old Healer looked exhausted to the point of collapse. He looked up when Tallsqueak entered. “Nothing I try works. Tell me you have learned something new?”

Milo opened the door wide for Harry to move into the room. Old Healer’s eyes grew wide at first, then relaxed. “I don’t know more about what is killing them, but I have Dr. Earthtongue with me. Harry is an expert on mycology.” Harry nodded and went immediately to the two patients and began to unpack tonics, swabs, and powders. “I’ll do my best, but if this is indeed Black Mold poisoning, I can’t make promises. I’m frankly amazed they are both still alive.”

Old Healer sighed. “As am I. Nothing I do seems to work. It’s only the amazing regeneration of a Cheese Master that has kept them both alive until now. But please take a look at this formula. Tallsqueak was kind enough to unearth this book, but I have been unable to get the final product to absorb magical energy and create the potion. It would be nice if someone hadn’t drunk all six doses in the bottle he found. A sample of the original would be helpful.”

Milo shrugged. “Dying of poison isn’t the best time to judge how much strange potion to drink. Your mysterious relative didn’t leave a lot of messages for me. I only had time to read the book and look through his notes after I recovered.”

Old Healer patted him on the shoulder. “Yes. My apologies. I don’t mean to imply any fault. That is just the fatigue talking. To be so close to a cure yet unable to find the missing step. And yes, the person whose ring you wear was very eccentric. He enjoyed setting traps, leaving puzzles, and hiding clues in odd places to make his students figure things out.”

Harry was staring at the book. He pointed to a blank area. “What do you see here?” Old Healer looked at the page. “Nothing at all.” Harry gestured for Boom-Boom to come take a look at the book.

Boom-Boom took a sip of his beer, finishing it and putting the tankard on his belt. “We drink and blow stuff up. If it isn’t a formula for an explosive, I’m not really good at chemistry.” He stepped forward anyway and looked at the page. “Yeah, there’s some writing here. I can barely see it.”

Harry explained. “Trolls see things differently from other races. Dwarves do as well. I have large books written in trollish runes that would be blank pages to you. Luckily, I found a small sample of Amanita Muscaria Alius as we traveled. They are known for giving a modest light in the darkness when disturbed and are also powerful psychotropics to some races. Some research has shown that most of the light they shed is not normal. Let’s see what their light reveals.”

Harry picked a small purple mushroom from his shoulder where it was growing. Concentrating on it for a moment, he gave it some of his mana and held it over the book. Writing appeared in many places. Old Healer slapped his forehead and shook his head. Some lines revealed missing bits of the recipe. Other lines were handwritten. “What sort of madmen wrote this book? The poisons are easy to make, but he hides half the cure. A curse upon all humans and especially Damien Franklin.“

Harry was scanning the formula. “If I read this correctly, we need a rare berry, ‘Colored like the Sun,’ that has a sympathetic magic similar to that of the elixer. Many berries have such properties to one degree or another, and I can think of three that are orange or yellow. Gaining access to them will be difficult, but the alchemy guild in Shadowport may have some.”

Milo realized the answer was much closer. “Jellybeans. Petey said the yellow jellybeans from the oldest bush were magical and cured poison. And the elixir had a fizzy, sweet flavor to it.”

Old Healer’s eyes showed a manic excitement. “So close…!” He pulled on a cord, and Milo heard a small bell chime somewhere in the building. A moment later, Petey walked into the room. “You rang? Oh, hi, Tallsqueak.” A moment later, Petey was pulling glowing candies out of his pocket. Old Healer and Harry had agreed that six of the beans needed to be added to the incomplete potion. As they were dropped into the solution one by one, the candies dissolved, and the elixir turned the bright yellow color that Milo remembered.

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Old Healer looked over at his two patients. “And now we must keep them alive for another day.” He looked hopeful as he said it.

Milo had just started to relax a bit when a roar of pure rage echoed through the Hollow. It swelled, carrying a lifetime of pain and anger, promising horrible death to whatever had wronged it. It grew louder and louder. Ratkin hid as fast as they could.

Narwhale covered her ears. Boom-Boom’s eyes were huge. “A dragon?! Here!?” Old Healer looked stricken, knowing what the sound was. He had heard it before in the wars.

So did Milo. “Larry! Something has happened to Larry!” He was out the door, racing away before the cry died.