Underworld Player - Chapter 27

Chapter 27: I’m an Expert at Ruining the Mood

“Oh…”

After locking eyes with the face in the fridge for a second, Bai Zhi reached in and pulled out the poster bearing the offending visage.

“Goddamn, who’s idea of a tasteless joke was it to put a poster of a giant face in the fridge? And how long has this watermelon been in here? Rotten watermelons smelled exactly like that famous canned herring from Sweden* with the legendary aroma.

Due to the lack of power to the house, the inside of the refrigerator was in a deplorable state. The half of a watermelon in there was fully decomposed, and wrapping it with that creepy poster had made it a pretty convincing human head.

Bai Zhi scanned the piece of paper in his hand and thought, This is actually some sort of supermarket ad from six months ago… Is this a place that actually exists in the real world? While he mulled it over, he folded up the poster and placed it nearly into the trashcan.

His movements, restrained as they were, still caused the figure with the tightly-closed eyes clinging to his arm to jump in a fright.

“…Are you really that spooked?” Bai Zhi scoffed at the scaredy-cat hanging on to him for dear life.

“Who, who says I am? I’m—I just, I…”

“Oh yeah? Then would you kindly let go of me? I can’t move around very well like this.” Bai Zhi cut her off unceremoniously.

Instead of letting go, she clung even tighter, and Bai Zhi rolled his eyes in exasperation. Turning his flashlight to the fridge, he mumbled to himself, “A great man once said, ‘when come the hard times, let us not meet them with a groan of terror but a grin of hope! The best way to conquer fear is to face it head-on—through perseverance, victory! Take heart, Auli—’** …Hmm?”

Bai Zhi noticed something in the bottom compartment, and when he pulled it open to see, his face took on a grim character.

Lying in the compartment, staring back at him, was a pair of soulless craters where eyes should have been.

—There was a man’s severed head in the fridge after all.

“Wh-What’s going on?” asked Late Night Kitty, who was practically fused to his arm now. She had sensed the grave turn of events despite her tightly-shut eyes.

“Oh, nothing, just some dude’s head in the fridge, not sure who put it there.”

With that casual reply, Bai Zhi pushed the compartment closed again, the head still inside.

Late Night Kitty gasped as a ripple of terror rolled through her petite frame.

Bai Zhi closed the fridge door and turned to the passenger on his arm. With the weariness of a long-suffering parent, he said, “Oh you. After we complete this quest, you better go home and watch horror movies every day so you can desensitize yourself as soon as possible.

“Take me, for example. When it was late and I was bored, I’d go online looking for some horror to watch, and before long, I got used to the feeling that there might be people hiding in my bed, in my closet, even under the pillows and blankets. You should try it sometime.”

Late Night Kitty was sullen for a moment, then said, “…It’s not like I haven’t worked at training my courage. A month ago, I bought two tickets to a scary movie, planning to watch it with someone and test my courage that way.”

“And then?”

“While I was in front of the cinema, gulping down deep breaths to calm my nerves, that dickhead called to say he changed his mind, he was gonna play games instead… That night, I barely made it through half the movie. Then, suddenly I couldn’t take it anymore and left so fast I took the door off its hinges. I couldn’t shake the heebie-jeebies the whole way back.”

The longer she went on, the more resentful she sounded.

“Uh… I have a question.” Bai Zhi raised his hand.

“I dumped his ass! What’s the point in being with a guy who spends all his time gaming at the cybercafé? Just to show off during the holidays?!”

“Ahem, I actually meant to ask if you ever returned the door…” said Bai Zhi gravely.

Late Night Kitty furrowed her brows in bewilderment.

“Doors are expensive. I used to do some construction work for building renovations, so I do know a thing or two about such matters.”

Kitty went on, pretending not to hear Bai Zhi. “…Anyway, after that, I tried challenging myself to watch a horror movie alone in the dorms.”

She cracked a rueful smile. “The plan was to ramp up gradually, so I started with a movie that had traumatized me in my childhood. Since I knew the plot, I thought it would be less scary—”

“Uh-huh, so why are you still such a scaredy-cat?”

“—I wasn’t done! After I finished that movie, I was traumatized a second time. I successfully brought my childhood trauma with me into adolescence.”

“Hmm?” Bai Zhi was sweeping the flashlight beam to and fro as he inspected the other features of this modestly-sized kitchen, and he replied casually, “I have a good suggestion for you. When you train, you gotta do the right exercises with the right forms, you know. So when you’re training your courage, why not try watching that scary movie while you have Chinese New Year music or a hilarious comedy*** on in the background?”

“Uh… what?”

Bai Zhi tapped himself on the head. “Oops, almost forgot… Hold this.” Handing the flashlight in his left hand to Late Night Kitty, Bai Zhi retrieved, from his Inventory, that notorious item ubiquitously found dominating public spaces year-round, a portable speaker^. After turning the volume dial all the way up, he pressed the “play” button with no hesitation.

“My one true love is, the open sky～

Lush grass and flowers on the mountain-side～

What kind of rhythm, shall swing me side to side～

How shall I sing, to feel alive～”^^

———

Immediately, the upbeat, pulsing music reverberated around the room. The music seemed to stimulate Late Night Kitty, and she opened her eyes in a daze.

“What the f…”

“I SPECIALLY ORDERED THE EXTRA DELUXE SPEAKER USED BY THOSE OLDER LADIES, IT’S SUPER LOUD AND HAS GREAT BATTERY LIFE! WHADDAYA THINK? THIS MUSIC REALLY CHANGES THE WHOLE VIBE OF THE PLACE, HUH?”

Bai Zhi picked up the speaker and nodded smugly.

“LOADED THIS BABY WITH 300 SONGS, POSITIVE VIBES ONLY! IT’S GOT FESTIVE TUNES AND EVEN THAT ZHUBAJIE SONG! WANNA LISTEN?”

“…WHAT DO YOU EVEN HAVE IN YOUR INVENTORY?!”

Late Night Kitty’s expression was a combination of disbelief and disgust.

“Y’KNOW, SUPPLIES! DIDN’T YOU GUYS PREPARE? PITY I COULDN’T GET A DIESEL GENERATOR ON SHORT NOTICE OR WE COULDA TURNED THE LIGHTS ON.”

Bai Zhi shook his head regretfully.

“OH, I SHOULD MENTION, I ALSO KNOW A THING OR TWO ABOUT WIRING. I’M QUITE PROFESSIONAL, ACTUALLY.”

Late Night Kitty said nothing.

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*Surströmming (Swedish for “sour herring”), a lightly salted fermented herring product traditional to Swedish cuisine since at least the 16th century. Stinks. Reaction video: https://youtu.be/_haw_YDC_zo

**Chinese meme. The final word is “Auliget”, a transliteration of a nonsense word used as an exclamation (also a brand of kitchen decor products, presumably also referencing the meme). Sample of original speech here: https://youtu.be/WO8mrVjW0-c

***In the raw, the specific comedy mentioned is 猪八戒背媳妇 (Zhu Bajie Gives His Bride a Piggyback Ride), omitted for brevity. The story originates from a TV adaptation of Journey to the West whereby Zhu Bajie is pranked by Sun Wukong.

^In China and other parts of Asia, there is a culture of organizing large group activities in public spaces, coordinated by music or instructions from a portable speaker. At one point, line dancing was a nationwide phenomenon, taken up en masse by women of a certain age, and the massive popularity of such activities made portable speakers a common sight.

^^From an EDM (?) track known as 凤凰传奇 (Legend of the Phoenix). A common style of music used in aforementioned public line dances. The lyrics have been translated to fit the rhythm and rhyme scheme, try singing along: https://youtu.be/3A10sBxTzy4